Who am I?
Wendyne.
Who am I to write about healing, transformation, and living an extraordinary life? Who am I to hand down the secrets of the universe, and assist people in moving toward their highest potential and being, toward a community of peace and joy? Who am I to assist humanity toward major shifts in consciousness for a new earth?
Why am I writing now, when so much is out there for people to latch on to? Who am I to add to the mix of a multitude of personal growth modalities, books, speakers, energy workers and gurus of the world? I’ve had to think about this…
I am me - been here all along, walking the path of conscious evolution for quite a while…living in the middle of the shift for all these years - holding the energy of the opposites, teaching the truths, loving well. How fortunate for me that I received and am living the gift of witnessing consciousness rising to a most beautiful frequency of peace and love, now available on earth.
For me, healing and transformation has been my passion in life. I am opening myself now, sharing what I have been given right here for all who come my way. It is my time to tell the story.
How did it start?
As a young child, I was always pulled toward the metaphysical without knowing what it was. I remember at the age of 10 or so.. psychoanalyzing girls at Girl Scout Camp, the kids lining up outside my tent, to get their turn. I would take each one on a meditative journey… on a path toward their dream house, complete with a path, a key on the path, a block in the way, and a body of water - finally arriving. The session would end after I told them all about their psyche, personality, and soul qualities. I have no idea how I did this. The girls were thrilled to hear what I said, and I was in my passionate realm downloading from the field with no awareness of anything that was happening.
I remember being in other dimensions, feeling like I was walking on air- having the ability to change anything I wanted into something else, especially colors, with the mere tip of my finger. What was that? Where was I? I remember clearly the day I noticed that I had a body - that was shocking! Eventually, I became more human, socialized and conditioned like everyone else, yet I knew there was something more going on.
At age 13, I was spiritually awakened one afternoon, out of the blue, when I walked into our living room and a movie was playing on our black and white TV set - The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale. I was not religious and did not know who Norman Vincent Peale even was. Standing there alone in the room, it just happened to be the day, the moment, the hour that I remembered the truth and power of the Universe and my Self - from one particular scene in that movie. Suddenly I knew that there were no coincidences, that wherever I happened to be, I was there on purpose, for some reason. I also felt a Divine presence right away as a knowing and a memory and began a dialogue with the love of the Universe, which has never stopped.
I remembered that I was connected to creation, to something much bigger than myself, that there was a bigger story to the whole thing of living. I knew there was a certain power in my thoughts, that I could direct my life in some way as a co-creator with the Divine. I was, however, still thinking from a 13-year-old mind, so I believed this applied mainly to boys. I was in love with the boy next door and must now create a plan, using my connection to this amazing power to get him.
After some months of careful planning and urging the Universe to assist me a bit, Bill’s girlfriend dropped him. Of course, I was there waiting for that moment and soon he realized that I was the one for him all this time. My plan worked like a charm. I had bewitched him. The Universe had helped me!
Bill and I were soul mates. We began our relationship that year in the 9th grade, and continued that relationship for 13 years, married at age 19, had a beautiful son at age 21, and divorced at age 25 when Bill discovered he was gay. He’s still a soul mate…I believe we have more than one. He was/is an important person in my life, loved me unconditionally and allowed me to love back. What happened to us was meant to be. He was a part of my first awakening and my first experience at directing my energy and thoughts to design my life.
The night Bill moved out, my heart was broken. I immediately found myself in a bar dancing with David. I had about 2 hours alone before I was committed again to another relationship.
I had no idea about healing, transformation, evolution, co-dependency, alcoholism, dysfunctional family of origin history, cellular memory, original blueprints, or expressive therapy. Expression to me was: drinking, dancing, and repressing the feelings I had about my life with my little son. What was I doing? I was going to school– had always been going to school. I loved college, learning, getting challenged, learning new information, and I longed for depth. David seemed to love me a lot. It was exciting to love someone else. Soon, I was expecting twins. Oh my God, and married again.
David was an alcoholic, drug, and sex addict. I learned a lot about that disease in the next 13 years. I also came to understand my part in attracting this disease and becoming a co-alcoholic or co-dependent. My father was an alcoholic, never home, and not emotionally available. I was an electromagnetic energy source attracting experiences toward me to match my blueprint. This had to happen, there was no coincidence. There was no way to have a different experience if I had not dismantled my original blueprint. I had no idea.
One morning before dawn, I sat in the living room, meditating and praying. I had not forgotten God, but I had forgotten my power. There had been emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I was living the dark night of my soul. I was sad, scared, and guilty that my children were having these experiences.
As I sat in stillness that morning, a light came upon me. It was a very bright and warm light, which completely surrounded me and held me in its arms. Everything else in the room was black. The Divine was touching me, there was no doubt. Tears of love and wholeness came pouring from my eyes, down my face. These were tears of joy, tears of a peace, which passeth understanding… tears which come to me when the Divine is in the room. I woke up again.
I Decide
My Dad hit his alcoholic bottom one year, around 1984, and gave me a call asking for help. He was scared - had passed out on the floor of his bathroom - did not remember anything, nor did he know how long he had been there. He knew I had begun the Al-Anon Program and that David was in AA now. I knew about treatment as I had a part-time job working with families of Alcoholics. I was from a family of alcoholics. I was beginning to be an expert in the field.
I found a place for Daddy– a place that would take his insurance, a 28-day program in Florida where I now lived. He could not walk from his plane, deplaned in a wheelchair, white, weak, drunk, sad. I took him home with me for the night. He was to go into the treatment hospital the next day- had brought a bottle with him, as they had told him not to try to detox himself. The next day, we drove to the treatment center. A wheelchair was waiting for Daddy– it seemed everyone had been waiting for him. As we walked in, a short nice man in a white coat said, “Hi George, I’m Dick.”
Dick Dancer… I did not know at that moment, that this man would change my life. My father went through his 28 days and walked out of the hospital on his own two feet. He stayed sober for the next four years until he died of lung cancer in 1987. He loved Dick Dancer. Dick said they had cried “buckets of tears.” My Dad told me that when he was 10 years old his father died, and on that day as he sat on a swing, and decided not to love anyone else ever again. No wonder. No wonder he was not there for me. No wonder he was always gone.
A year after Daddy left that treatment center, I saw a woman at a meeting who had been in treatment with him. She said Dick and his wife, Cynthia, had a little place called the Awareness Center in Jupiter, Florida, that I should go there. I did not know this woman. I took the phone number. Something inside me called him. I thought I called him to get his address for my Dad. I went there that year to say hello. I left a year later.
Dick Dancer saw me like no one else ever had. He said I was a diamond in the rough, a wonderful beautiful person. He was funny as hell and serious as hell too. He had been court-ordered to treatment 17 years earlier– a chronic alcoholic.
Now he was putting my life on the board every week in his chalk talks as he had designed a small group process for recovering people. (I was recovering from co-dependency, trying to save my family and my sister my entire life. My parents unconsciously set me up for it.) I ate it up, hungry for the answers. He showed me everything I had ever believed. He did drawings and cartoons and acted crazy. We laughed, cried, took risks, cried, and laughed some more.
I saw how my controlling co-dependent mother had controlled my life, how she had even taken away my first baby and made me put her up for adoption. I saw the influence of my father’s wimpy alcoholic personality. He did not take care of himself or the family, so I always thought I had to. I saw how they triangulated me. I thought I was responsible for their marriage, their happiness, my sister. Could I make her love him? She didn’t and I knew it. She shamed him, and that shamed me. I learned of the games I had played, the survival skills I had taken on. I still remember the day, I went to Dick’s to pick up my new healthy ego during our session. I saw my whole life. And then I saw the possibilities ahead. Perhaps I really was a diamond in the rough. Perhaps I could be somebody. Maybe I am important and worthy of real love.
My true and deep personal healing journey formally began in those early 80s as I navigated many dark nights of the soul and spiritual emergency, moving through the middle to the other side. Psycho-spiritual processes, meditation and breathwork were my therapies.
I can not say exactly what day it happened. I walked into the Awareness Center as a sad little girl, crying, victim, ugly, stupid hypochondriac. I always thought I was sick, and had a thermometer in my mouth on a routine basis. My doctor knew me well, as I tended to panic about my health regularly. On one particular day in 1987, my soul changed. Either a new soul entered this body of Wendyne, or every cell in my DNA shifted and said, “OK, Old Wendy, take a hike.” Perhaps I had a miracle healing – I will never know for sure. I only know that in the blink of an eye, I was changed forever.
Within a year, I left my marriage and began a life on my own creating a safe and sacred place for my children. I learned to take risks, to love and live my true self, to become all that I was meant to be. I began to work with people teaching them the truths I learned through my pain.
I never went back to the doctor. I was never the same again. I had no idea that this was just the beginning of the call to greatness. Dick Dancer closed up shop not long after that. I think the Universe had him there just for me, just for the thousands of people who would one day be touched, just for the world that would one day be evolving through that work. Dick told me that I DECIDE my life. He gave me my soul back. I’ll never know just where it was, but I love the one that’s in me now.
And so it is - and all begins.
Much love, ❤️
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